Categories
Uncategorized

Leo Varadkar Reviews

A neoliberal shit plays some video games

Dungeon Keeper:

I couldn’t give it a more brand-friendly name like “Welfare Office” so I turned it into a prison. And still nobody came! Apparently the game doesn’t think criminals sprout out of the ground fully formed. Poor realism IMO.

I like how you can slap imps to make them work faster. I assume the same is true of other minions, but I have yet to see a single one of them so I can’t confirm. I don’t understand why there are no minions in my dungeon; I’ve found several portals, which I’m told are where the minions all come from, but despite turning every single tile of my dungeon into a casino, I am alone, the imps I create through magic my only friends.

The Batman Arkham series:

I think there’s a plot to these but honestly I’m just so busy slamming the head of what I think are dirty welfare cheats into concrete walls, the story doesn’t matter so much tbh

Oh, I like this. You start off as a billionaire, for a start, and things only get better. You get to spend the entire game beating up criminals while the police just let you, it’s just like in Eoin O’Duffy’s time! Well, I assume they’re criminals. They’re definitely poor, and that’s basically the same thing. BAM!! Just broke that dole scounger’s nose. KAPOW!! That illness benefit leech won’t walk again, haha! SPLAFF!! I hope you like soup pal, because you definitely can’t afford the dentist now! It’s just the feelgood game of the year, every year.

Frostpunk:

Ahhh, the smoke of industry, making me wealthy, while sapping the strength of the children working the furnaces so they can’t overth- WAIT WHAT NO

This game starts off great. You’re in charge of everything, and you get to make the big decisions about where society goes and how it should be governed, all in some freezing post-apocalyptic world where something bad happened, but I quickly lost interest in the plot, the important thing is I’m the leader right now. There are some really appealing options, like fascism and capital punishment, but the game quickly loses points for attaching consequences to everything you do. I don’t see why the game has to ruin the fun I have from making society run on child labour by suddenly ending because the children are dead and people revolted.

Untitled Goose Game:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU STUPID POOR CHILD I’M GOING TO RUIN YOUR PARENTS HOUSE AND GET YOU EVICTED TOO

Ahahaha you can upset the poors by stealing their things and then steal the child’s plane and make him pay for it again and again and again and again and again and

Tonight We Riot:

Why can’t you play this cop? I WANT A STRONG MARKET DAMN IT

Oh I don’t like this. You start off poor, and then the police come and beat you. I tried to tell them I wasn’t a filthy prole and that I could point out some real working class people for them oppress but the developers seem to have forgotten to add that as an option. I’ve emailed them about it several times, but they haven’t replied.

By Sarky

Freelance writing, communist propaganda, and only the very finest in depression-enhanced late night existential dread and self-deprecation.

Contact info@sarklor.ie for professional stuff.
Contact admin@sarklor.ie for anything relating to the blog.

Or you could use the Contact Page, it'd be a shame not to after all the time I spent making it work. You have OPTIONS is what I'm saying here.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.