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The Lie of Kurganomics

Thoughts while Elbow-deep in a Bucket of Chicken Wings

I don’t know what the Kurgan did in all his centuries of life in Highlander, but I can safely say he didn’t once try academia because right up to the end of the film he thought it was better to burn out than fade away. The man never burned out in his life and it shows.

Just look at this asshole. You just know he’s never been asked “shouldn’t you be writing?”.

How do you neurotypical fuckers do it? How do you convince yourselves every single bloody day that everything is somehow not on fire and things could be worse? Is serotonin really that powerful as a hallucinogen? You lucky bastards.

So yeah, we’re in Year 3 of The World’s Most Easily Controlled Disease Running Rampant Because World Governments Chose Private Profit Over Public Health, and the shitshow just keeps on going, and most governments have been so fucking atrocious about it that nobody trusts them even on the rare occasion they DO say something correct about controlling the virus. Social media is swamped with astroturfed losers spamming everything they can find that’s corona-related with how the pandemic is over because some dipshit economist said so.

I wish this tweet was not evergreen more than I wish for anything else in the world.

And all my friends are falling to the illness, one by one. You fucking dumbasses made such a goddamn mess of public health that you’ve made it inevitable that everyone will catch it, and people will keep dying. You fuckers have made it inevitable that I’ll catch it, no matter how careful I am because you can’t personal responsibility your way out of a public fucking health crisis, and I’m in that group of people that you don’t care enough about to want to protect. You know who. The disabled, the immunocompromised, the elderly, cancer patients, all the people in society that you would absolutely kill or do nothing to save without a second thought. How do I know you’d do that? Because that’s what you’re doing right fucking now, you scum-sucking parasites. You’re burning everyone out with your greed and stupidity and selfishness.

I’ve tried burning out.

Didn’t much care for it.

I want to fade away. I want to life to a ripe old age. I want to troll the shit out of my siblings’ kids and be too venerable to get called out for it. And I want to be in possession of as many of my original functioning organs as possible while I do. And you selfish, thoughtless bastards can’t even give me that meagre little dream.

God, you’re not even contemptible. You’d make me hope for an afterlife simply so you can go to the hell you absolutely deserve, but you’re not worth that kind of effort.

In lighter news, I was delighted to see the recent release of another WFRP book I helped write. Up In Arms is a funky book full of fluff, lore, rules and options for WFRP players who focus on fighting. You want Tilean Ogres beating people unconscious with their colossal pinched fingers and brutal fake Italian accents? We got you covered.

I’d have incorporated more into my regular WFRP sessions, only my laptop has decided that certain types of USB device can simply fuck off and I have 13 gigs of Foundry data stuck on my MP3 player with no way to copy it over. I’m sure Bill Gates is somehow to blame, that fucking nerd.

I’ve some other writing projects on the go, and I can’t really talk about most of them. One thing I can talk about is that delightful little initiative DrivethruRPG have going with a select few publishers that allows anyone to publish their own material under a certain publisher’s umbrella, as long as they conform to certain style guides, formats, copyrights and such. It’s a lovely way to let people who live and breathe a certain RPG to make a little money or even fame, and enriches the community as a whole.

So far I’m aware of D&D, Call of Cthulhu, Shadow of the Demon Lord and most of the Free League games (ALIEN was, unsurprisingly, far too valuable to the current rights holder to let anyone else monetise it so unfortunately that’s off the table), and I’m sure there are others.

I guess what I’m getting at is that I may be entering that space myself in the not too distant future. I have a notebook crammed with ideas that would never get past Games Workshop’s lawyers (who knew the hellish corrupted legions of Chaos had to be so family friendly!?), and I am a big fan of Rabert Schwalb’s policy of “As a publisher I’m too small to provide any major support, but as long as you don’t completely take the piss with what you want to write in my setting you go ahead you crazy kids” policy.

And that’s all I have to say for now. Oh there’s more I WANT to say but this will have to do because simply existing in this capitaslist hellscape is taking up the rest of my available energy. And I think we safely established that burning out is not something I’m considering revisiting.

Jesus christ we fucked society up so badly.

TTRPG Uncategorized WFRP

Shameless Self Promotion

Moi? Toot my own horn?

Been a while since I mentioned that I occasionally do freelance writing for rather famous and well-respected ttrpg publisher Cubicle 7. My little pack of punchy short Warhammer Fantasy adventures, One Shots of the Reikland, went Gold on DriveThruRPG quite quickly, which is a delight for my first professionally published, uh, publication. Yes I know I have scientific papers published too but that whole industry can fuck off into the sun thank you VERY much.

But I’ve been beavering away on a lot of other WFRP publications since that. Archives of the Empire Vol. 1, for example. I had the honour.. nay, the PRIVILEGE, to create some ranger-style careers, with none more noble and astounding than the Halfling Badger Rider.

I had the good fortune to contribute to the Death On The Reik Companion, too. It’s one thing writing your own one-off adventures but being asked to help write the director’s cut of one of the most popular ttrpg campaigns ever written, that’s an intimidating and amazing prospect.

I can hardly believe I’m in the credits!

Speaking of which, I was also one of the writers on Vol. 4 and Vol. 4.5 of that behemoth adventure, The Horned Rat, and The Horned Rat Companion. Death On The Reik was a firmly established adventure that got a shiny remaster, and that’s awesome. The Horned Rat though? Completely new and that’s intimidating as hell. Y’see, the campaign as originally published had something of a… well, let’s say the writers didn’t get to write the ending they wanted. There’s nothing wrong with the original Something Rotten in Kislev, mind they’re some great adventures, but they were originally intended as standalones and weren’t related to the Enemy Within campaign, and some shoehorning was done to accommodate that. The Horned Rat is a massive book that directly follows on from the political thriller that was Vol. 3, Power Behind The Throne. It was a hell of a thing to be considered good enough to not only help write enhanced versions of existing adventures, but to help create a new one to those same standards. Then again, judging from how The Horned Rat and Companion shot straight to Electrum and Silver on DTRPG respectively (the Companion was only released last week so that’s quite impressive), it looks like people are pretty satisfied with the results.

There’s other stuff I’ve worked on that I can’t talk about until after release, and I’m hoping to take on a couple of future projects that haven’t left the planning stages yet, but my goodness there are some exciting things ahead for WFRP, let me tell you. And some crazy how, I might have the privilege of writing some of it.

Also the artists have been absolutely amazing throughout this whole series. Fantastic, gorgeous stuff almost every page.
TTRPG Uncategorized Updates WFRP

Holy Shit, I’m Published

Am I a real writer now?

Seriously. Not only did the editors approve every single terrible joke I wrote, they even ADDED some!

One Shots of the Reikland was a long time coming, due in good part to the fucking death plague we’ve all been trying to hide from for almost a year. I have been a fan of Warhammer Fantasy Role Play for Quite Some Time, becoming instantly hooked when the 2nd edition made it into my local game shop. Oh, I couldn’t begin to tell you how many introductory sessions at college I ran, or full-on campaigns myself and friends ran for each other. The game was a classic. The rules were so simple, the mechanics so clever, and everything so lovingly written and illustrated. It took the vast wealth of the setting that surrounded the tabletop wargames, and added depth and complexity to that world that you just can’t get with the wargame (and arguably shouldn’t try, it’s a good wargame). Now I could see what the common folks of the Empire get up to when the grand armies aren’t on the march, I could take a look at the secret plots and cults that worked behind the scenes, where an army couldn’t go.

One of my favourite memories of 2nd Edition is a lengthy campaign with a proper conclusion (an almost unheard of occurrence in those days of playing until one or more players ran out of interest) that a friend ran for me and some friends. It followed the fortunes of a lesser noble family down on their luck and with no real allies to turn to, who ended up combing the ruins of the cursed city of Mordheim not long after it was destroyed.

My character was… several steps removed from any hope of an inheritance, would be the politest way to say it, and had become a priest of Sigmar. He insisted from day one on having a two-handed warhammer which he could not wield until much later on, and developed a worrying habit of leaping into battle without armour, screaming “MY FAITH IS MY SHIELD!” which was even more hilarious to us for the fact that more often than not an enemy would genuinely miss, or fail to do any damage at all, when I screamed that just before the dice rolled. Of course when it didn’t work it REALLY didn’t work, and the poor lad took more than his fair share of insanity points from critical wounds. A good time was had by all at that table.

I’m saying all this so that when I tell you that I’m not just praising the game because I made a little money writing some adventures for it, you know I mean it. Not in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever get asked to write a little bit of WFRP action. This is a Big Deal for me.

It also helps that it jumped to #1 on the DriveThruRPG under $5 list and #4 overall (Beaten by Cyberpunk, Vampire, and another WFRP book). TTRPG players like them some Warhammer.

excuse me HOW is something I wrote rubbing shoulders with these huge names!?

So. That’s a nice thing that happened recently.

Yes, I am busy on other projects.

No, I can’t say whomst or what.

But I can say I’m excited about it. >_>