Definitely Not A Reflection On The Author's State of Mind

It’s Stupid O’Clock, I can’t sleep, and my laptop is right there. So here’s a thing.

Welcome to the crossroads. “Welcome back?” No, that wouldn’t be quite right. Sure, you’ve been here before, and you’ll be here again, but… It’s not the same place, really, is it? It’s never the same place.

You have some choices to make. I know, I know, but I’m required to remind you. Oh, don’t you worry about who. Even if you recognised the name I doubt you’d believe me. And no, I’m afraid you can’t stay here. That’s not how it works.

Choose a direction. There’s no going back, much as it pains me to say.

“Why?” is… a bigger question than I think you fully realise. Even if I knew, I don’t think I could tell you. Hey, don’t give me that look. I’m just doing my job. I didn’t force this on you. I can’t. And I wouldn’t. It’s just not in me. You want to blame someone, look closer to home. Friends, family, enemies, whatever government is currently preening itself in the corridors of power, they’re the most likely suspects. I’m just the… Usher? Doorman? Close enough.

No, no, please, no apology necessary. You’d be amazed how often it comes up, is all. Oh yes, I get it a lot. I know, the place looks deserted. It’s… Hmm. I suppose you could say that the aesthetic is a major part of this whole process. Trust me, you’re far from the only person to stand here at any given moment.

Speaking of which, this is it, your moment. You, standing here, right now. It’s important. You know that. Every decision you’ve made or had forced on you has led you to this precise moment, and the choice you make here will colour every one that comes after it.


That’s part of the beauty of it, actually, the uncertainty. Did this or that choice make any difference? It’s obvious enough with, say, what college course you accepted. But what about your choice of toothpaste for the five years previous to that? How did that affect the offers? How did it affect your decision? Oh it was a subtle thing for sure, but it was there, nonetheless. That and a thousand tiny choices like it. Snowflakes building up to an avalanche. Consider this, though: If you knew the outcome of every choice you could make, would you be left with any choices at all?

Heh. The look on your face. The implications tend to upset people. Not you though. At least, not this time. Interesting.

Oh, now that’s a far better question than “why”. Maybe the uncertainty is what gives a choice meaning. Maybe it isn’t. I can’t answer that. There might not even be an answer. But I believe it’s important to ask the question, all the same. Sincerely, well done.

But I’m still rambling. My apologies. I’ve taken up enough of your time. I can see it in your eyes, you’ve decided. Good luck, friend.

I’ll see you up ahead some time.

By Sarky

Freelance writing, communist propaganda, and only the very finest in depression-enhanced late night existential dread and self-deprecation.

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